FB post September 2025. Cornish ‘Speak Their Name’ Quilt.

Ben is in the Houses of Parliament today……Well a square I stitched for him as part of the ‘Cornwall Speak Their Name’ quilt is.

Ben, being his usual nebulous self, has remaineddifficult to pin down despite his outline being stitched in yellow and gold threads!

We also wrote about the person we had lost to suicide so when people are looking at the squares they can find out more about the person represented in the square. I’ve shared this below 👇

My square is in remembrance of my only child Benedict James Findlay (Ben). 14.04.96- 19.10.19

I have sourced the threads and fabric from The Quaker Tapestry. I am a Quaker and Ben came to meeting with me and saw the tapestry which he liked.
I stitched Ben’s outline in gold- the same as on his grave stone – it reflects that he is here yet not here. Which is also why there is also an Ohm symbol which signifies everything and everyone is ultimately connected at an energetic, spiritual level whether or not they have a physical form

I chose the wording because many of my friends and family no longer talk about Ben and are very uncomfortable if I talk about him. It’s one of the most upsetting parts of loosing a child. I will show them this square annd encourage them to see the quilt. I hope it opens up conversations. It really is so important to speak their name:
I want to share my memories of my son and laugh about his quirky ways. Hearing other people’s memories of Ben is my favourite thing! It’s a way of knowing that he existed and touched other people’s lives. His life was about so much more than just the way he died.

Ben was 23 when we lost him- he had struggled with psychosis from age of 19. There are 23 stitched stars to represent each precious year of Ben’s life. Many sewn by people who love him and/or me. For two people it was their first experience of embroidery. When I finished the 23rd star it felt incomplete. There was space for many more stars…

It’s difficult to quickly capture Ben’s character- he was nebulous, a one off! He always looked after people who struggled to fit in. He found life very puzzling himself and from a young age he said he lived on the wrong planet. I write about him (and life without him) in a blog www.rememberingben.blog

Ben grew up in Rutland and went to the University of Groningen in The Netherlands to study Astrophysics. He tragically died when he was in hospital in Brighton. We found it impossible to access any psychiatric help in the UK. In the end it was way too little, way too late. All of us (including Ben) tried our best but he had a fatal mental illness. The voices in his head tortured him.

I miss Ben so much but I feel a deep spiritual connection with him which continues even though he no longer physically exists.

One of his legacies is that he inspired me to swim in the sea. Something he loved and that I didn’t do until after he died. It has changed my life. I realised that following his death, I could sink or swim; I chose to swim.

Ben continues to be deeply loved. I am so proud to call him my son. I respect his brave choice to end his life. I will live with the pain of his absence for the rest of my life; reassured that he is now out of pain and at peace. It helps to be given this chance to talk about him.