Let’s Talk About Death Baby …….

One of the things I’ve realised since Ben died is that talking about death is a mine-field for some people. I imagine every single person handles things differently. I can only speak for myself. I don’t think there is a general rule but then again I’ve never asked…

So for me- I LOVE talking about Ben. He is still very much my present and I love sharing memories and hearing other people’s stories of time with him.

When he isn’t mentioned it makes me feel like he’s been forgotten, is irrelevant or is somehow shameful. I know that is the last thing people want me to feel and that they are just not sure how to handle things…. ‘if it doubt do nowt’ kind of attitude.

Ben is still my pride and joy. My memories of him are so treasured and there were lots of laughs along the way. I’ve got birth stories, first day at school stories, embarrassing stories etc. How my boy died is just a small part of our story.

Sometimes the grief bubbles right to the surface and things feel too much. Everything is overwhelming- not just talking about Ben. On those days it’s MY responsibility to say that I’m struggling and can we keep it light and talk about silly things or nothing much. Or cake.

I know in the past I’ve been wary of upsetting people especially when their grief is raw/traumatic. That’s why I wanted to share my take on talking about death and I’ll ask folk in similar positions to let me know their thoughts. Because I care and we all just want to do our best.

The photo below was taken when Ben came to Cornwall for Christmas 2018. It turned out to be his last Christmas. He was quite paranoid and distracted but we managed to have a great time. He wore his balaclava a lot so we teased him that he was working under-cover and was our body guard. It made him chuckle. Ben Findlay x