Where does love go when the one you love is no longer alive? I find myself in the middle of an existential crisis asking questions to which there are no answers. None.

When your child dies everything is out of sync. I’ve already had to choose where I want to be buried as I want to be with my boy. I’ve had to think about things most parents never think about.

When we got our first dog, Devon, a black Labrador we knew the deal. We would love him until he died. We would outlive him. We hoped Devon would live until Ben went to university and he did! He died just a week before Ben off to study.

We were sad when Devon died. Very sad. But we understood what we had signed up for. Devon had lived a full and happy life. After a few months of missing Devon we went to get George our red Labrador puppy who bumbled into our lives and into our hearts. Filling sadness with joy.

I can’t go and get a new Ben.
I didn’t sign up for him to die before me.
Love goes on.
But I don’t know where it goes.
Or where he has gone.
💔

Ben Findlay