Ben’s first anniversary 2020, Memories of Happier Times

Its just too difficult to write about the day Ben died, and how I found out about it. So this year I’m going to mark the date with a happy post.

I sent the email below to Ben, 4 years ago. He had just dropped out of Uni at the end of his first year, but was still living in the Netherlands. We thought he was still studying, it was so hard to get hold of him via phone or email and when it did it just felt like I was nagging him. I decided to send him some happy thoughts on an email in case he would like it. I reminded him he had love running through his DNA and he could tap into that any time.

From: Anna Findlay Date: 18 September 2016 at 17:13:36 BST To: Ben Subject: Happy times!

Hi Ben I thought it might be nice to remind you of some happier times we have shared over the years. I’ve loved being your Mum. In no particular order-

Getting Devon and you and him curling up in his dog bed together.
Your 8th birthday party complete with dog pooh cake made by Aunty Laura.
Climbing the apple tree right to the top at Old Hall cottage and bouncing on the trampoline in the garden.
The village bonfire at our house and John throwing fireworks on the fire every year even though I told him not too.
Scalextrix in the attic. Me and you going to Belgium together.
Then when you were much older going to Groningen together for the first time.
Swimming Topsham open air pool after school in Clyst st Mary.
Harry Potter world with Phil and drinking butter beer!
Camping at Trewan Hall and the evolution of the Ghetto. Devon turning up the summer fair at Trewan and being offered as a raffle prize! Bouncing on the grass on the Island near Treyarnon beach.
You being sent home from school for smelling of Lavender! You were kept in a toilet cubical at school until John could collect you! You had 4 showers and went back to school!
You skate boarding or scooting everywhere in the village.
Your first ever job lifting a flag at the polo pitch in langham when there was a goal. You made this even easier by literally lying down on the job!
Sailing courses on Rutland Water.
Cooking chocolate cakes in a mug in the microwave.
Seeing you chilling in the hammock in the back garden.
Your Duke of Edinburgh revelation!!
Choosing one present to open every Christmas Eve.
Visiting you in Groningen in your first year and you showing us round your uni. Going out for an Indonesian meal.
You bringing me a fig back for breakfast that you had found on a tree.
You working in the charity shop and choosing my 40th birthday present from there.
You being embarrassed because I sing in the street!
Keeping conkers in the safe.
Going out for walks with you when you were a baby and were in the back pack. You squeeled with excitement when you saw a dog!
Cycling to nursery school in York. You were on the back of my bike and if a train went under the bridge we had to stay and wave at it even if we were late!
Spending days standing on the bridges at York station waving at trains!
You and Marcus being cheeky page boys! And taking loads of photos of the waitress at our wedding.
Reading stories together after work and school in Bath. Quite often we’d fall asleep together in your little bed.
Getting a Blue Peter badge!
Watching you having a surf lesson and you picking it up really quickly.
Watching how gentle and loving you were to Sox and Devon.